"I've got something for you Monkey," I said with my hands behind my back and a big grin on my face.

Dane, who was looking into the refrigerator, jumped, obviously startled. "God Max, why don't you give me a heart attack?" He said tensely as he turned to me, a huge frown on his face.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you would've heard me come in. I bought you something," I told him, eager to see the usual gleam in his eye when I brought him a surprise. I didn't see it this time, and I felt a little disappointed.

"Cool, what is it it?" he asked, sounding distracted and not at all eager.

I held out the Playstation 2 game, and smiled. "This is the one you've been wanting right?"

He took it and peered at at it for the longest time. Finally, I cleared my throat. "Is that the one you wanted, Dane?" I asked brusquely, my concern growing. This was not like him at all. Usually, by this time, he would've left a vapor trail on the way to the living room, and would be calling out to me to come play it with him.

"Oh..yeah..this is really awesome," he said, as if from a long distance.

"Are you OK, Monkey?" I asked as I furrowed my brows with worry. "Did everything go all right today?"

Dane seemed to to try to shake himself out of his mood at my questioning. He smiled, but there was no light in his dark eyes. He wrapped his arms around me and I hugged him and gave him a gentle kiss. "Are you having a bad day?" I prodded gently.

He shook his head and a few strands of ebony hair fell onto his forehead. "No Max, I'm fine. Thanks for the game." The grin he gave me was forced. He wasn't acting like himself. Something was definitely wrong.

I tried again. "You know you can talk to me about anything, don't you, Dane? You don't ever have to be afraid to do that. You know that right?" I asked as I put my hand on his jaw, and felt the slight scratching from his stubble beneath my fingers. "You forgot to shave today, didn't you?" I asked affectionately as I rubbed his chin. "That's not like you."

He seemed impatient at my touch. "Max, I'm OK. Nothing's wrong," he assured me while looking me straight in the eye.

I released his chin and then smiled. "OK," I said, trying to keep my voice light in the face of his obvious lie, "then why don't you go play your game, while I try to scrounge us up some supper." I reached behind him and gave him a playful swat. "Go on, scoot!"

He left the kitchen, and I opened the cabinet, looking for something to prepare for dinner. I was worried though--worried and a little sad--because not only was something troubling Dane, but he was keeping it from me.

A few days passed, and he still wasn't back to normal. He would jump at the slightest sound, and he wasn't responsive or enthusiatic about anything. One morning the postman rang the doorbell to deliver a package, and Dane nearly jumped through the roof. I looked at him as I brought a brown-paper package into the living room, and I saw that he was shaking.

"It was just the mailman," I told him as I scrutinized him, then put the package down and sat on the sofa. Patting the cushion beside me, I smiled over at him. "Come over here, and-"

"I didn't do anything wrong, Max!" he said frantically. "You don't need to spank me."

I'm not going to spank you. I just want you to come sit with me for a minute." I assured him as I wondered about his sudden mistrust of me.

Slowly--very slowly--he trudged over and plopped down beside me.

I smiled and ran a hand through his hair and I could feel him tensing under my touch. I removed my hand, and looked steadily at him. "I couldn't help but notice how you overreacted to the doorbell, Dane, and how unhappy and jumpy you've been lately. Now, I want you to tell me what's wrong and I'll see what I can do to help."

"Nothing's wrong," he said in a low, unsteady voice, as he avoided my gaze.

Frustration welled up in me as I continued looking at him. "Dane, how can I help, if you don't tell me what's going on?" I asked, starting to feel impatient.

"You can't," he answered quickly, "so why can't you just let it go? It's not your business anyway!"

"You are my business," I reminded him, trying not to lose my temper. "But you saying that, tells me that something is really wrong between us. I need to know what's changed, Dane. It's only fair, don't you think?"

He looked at me then, his eyes hard and distant. I'd never seen that look in them before. "It doesn't have to do with you," he mumbled.

The last vestiges of my calm slipped away. "Do you need a spanking? Is that it? Because you're being a bad boy, Dane, you really are. Now, I want you to stop acting like this, right now, young man, and tell me what's wrong!" I looked sternly at him, trying to will him to break down and tell me.

I wasn't prepared for his response.

"I'm not a 'bad boy', I'm a man," he stated cooly as he stood up.

I flinched, I was so surprised at his words. "So, what are you saying, baby?" I blurted out, as I trapped his wrist loosely in my hand. "Look at me and tell me what you're saying."

He twisted silently in my grasp, but wouldn't make eye-contact.

"A man looks people in the eye, Dane," I said quietly as I easily retained my hold on his wrist. "A man doesn't punish people with silence."

He looked defiantly at me, and his eyes filled with tears. He gazed at me, not moving, not speaking, as tears spilled over his dark lashes and fell on me. I felt a lump in my throat as I watched his tears seeping into the front of my pants.

I pulled him over my lap then, and he didn't struggle.

I held him firmly by the hip with one hand as he was lying over my lap, and with the other pulled his blue sweater up. I began to message his back as I tried to figure out what to do next. I couldn't force him to trust me with whatever the problem was, and I didn't even know what I'd done to lose his trust to begin with. I also knew his attitude toward me wasn't a test. He wasn't subconsciously trying to get me to prove that I was in control, or seeing how far he could go before I stopped him. I knew that side of Dane, and this wasn't it.

As I sat there, rubbing the smooth olive skin of his back firmly, trying to invigorate him, I could hear him breathing in short, tense gasps. It reminded me of a game I used to play with Dane, when we'd first met, and he was too upset or scared to talk things out.

It couldn't hurt to try it now, so I cleared my throat and began. "Once upon a time, there was a pixie named Dane. This pixie was a silly, fun-loving soul, who lived with people who didn't like him to have fun and be silly. One day he met a lonely hermit who lived in a cave."

I paused for a minute, in case he wanted to say something. He didn't, but, I noticed his breathing was becoming more regular, so I continued. "Well, this hermit was unhappy and led an empty existence, with no light ever entering into his cave. The thing he needed most in his life was a pixie who could make him see the joy in life again. The hermit also had something to offer too. He had a big spell-book that had all sorts of amazing old spells that could bring relief, security and freedom. It was about the only thing he felt he could offer to the pixie, who he found dancing in front of the opening of his cave, and he needed the pixie's light so badly, that he quickly offered it. The pixie accepted, and the two were very happy together.

I stopped when I thought I heard a sigh escape Dane, and I rubbed his back quietly for a moment while I thought of how to continue.

"'Till one day when an an evil sorcerer, jealous of their happiness, intruded upon their life. He mixed up an evil concoction that would make everything change for the pixie and the hermit, then he slunk by the cave and put it, in a brightly wrapped package, right outside the door. The hermit, opened the package--thinking it was a gift from the pixie--and inside the box was..."

I paused, holding my breath, to see if Dane was going to add to the story.

"A piece of paper," Dane murmured.

"There was a piece of paper. The hermit held it up and examined it. The thing that he noticed most about this piece of paper was..."

"That it had stuff written on it that was too hard for the pixie to deal with, and made him look weak and stupid because he couldn't do what the paper said."

I furrowed my brows with confusion as I looked down on the top of Dane's shiny black-hair. "So the hermit, who couldn't read well, because he'd been in the dark for so long that his eyes were weak, went looking for the pixie to help him. He handed the paper to the pixie and asked him to tell him what was written on it. The pixie read from the paper and the words he read out loud were..."

"You have been summoned for jury duty," Dane said and then shuddered across my lap.

I pushed away my dismay at his words and continued the game, while I calmly rubbed his back.

"The hermit gasped when he heard the words that the pixie read out, because he knew that this was something that would affect the pixie deeply, and anything that affected the pixie affected the hermit too. The hermit loved the pixie and couldn't bear the thought that the wizard would concoct such an evil spell to destroy the pixie's happiness. The wizard was so malevolent that he knew how devastating this paper would be to the pixie. Knew that the words written on the paper would cause the pixie to..."

"See that he couldn't do things that other people could do, and that noone could help him with that," Dane said, sounding sad now.

"And the pixie turned away from the hermit. And he held the paper in his hand as he ran away from the hermit, and he..."

"He put it in the trash can," Dane answered, his breaths coming in short gasps again.

"He placed the paper in the trash, but the wizard's spell still remained on the thrown away paper. The pixie worried about that awful spell, and if the wizard's magic could still touch him."

I stopped then, and pulled Dane up to sit beside me. I looked deeply into his rich, brown-eyes, feeling sad and disappointed in his lack of trust in me. "But the worst part of the wizard's spell, was that it made the pixie lose faith in the hermit, and his ability to use the spells that he knew how to invoke--the spells that might make the wizard's magic less powerful. The hermit felt alone then, and he felt like he'd let the pixie down."

"I couldn't tell you, Max!" Dane cried out. "I didn't think you'd understand!"

"Tell me now, Dane, and I'll try really hard to understand," I coaxed gently.

He broke down then and told me the whole story.

"So, I got it in the mail, and I knew I couldn't go. I couldn't be around all those... people. And you have to have a driver's license and mine just expired, and I knew if I told you about it, you'd try to talk me into calling and explaining why I couldn't... or you'd try to force me to go..and I can't talk to people on the phone, and I can't be around them. I just can't!"

"So you threw the summons away?" I asked him gently.

He nodded and rubbed his hand across his moist eyes.

I asked him a question I already knew the answer to. "Weren't you afraid that they would know and try to contact you about why you didn't show up?"

"I've been afraid all of the time Max! Every time the phone rings or-"

"The doorbell?" I asked with a small smile.

He nodded, and for the first time in days leaned into my body, and rested his head on my shoulder. I absently ran my hand through his soft, thick hair as I thought about how to handle this. The main two problems were his fear of people and his lack of trust in me. The first issue was something I'd been aware of for a while. The second was news to me, and it hurt to know how little faith he really had in me.

I reached for one of his hands, felt how cold it was and started to rub it briskly with both of mine. "Dane, you do know how much I care about you, don't you baby? Don't you know by now, that I understand and accept everything about you?"

He shook his head and I noticed his pout. It made me relax a little to see it.

"I don't think you understand how hard it is for me to deal with people, Max, because all you do is tell me how I have to change. Maybe they need to change, Max. Did'ja ever think of that?"

I couldn't help but smile at the thought of me trying to change everyone. I'd do it if I could. I'd do anything for him.

"I know words don't always help, Dane, but that was all that I knew to do. I've told you before that I don't have all of the answers, and I can't be perfect for you, as much as I'd like to."

He rubbed his head against my shoulder. "I know Max," he murmered, and I thought I heard a trace of disappointment in his deep voice. Almost like he was waking up from a sweet dream, and was looking at the dreary world once more.

I held him tight against me. "I'm sorry," I told him. "I wish I could be a knight in shining armor for you, baby."

He gave me one of his sweetest smiles. "You are, sometimes."

"You know Dane," I murmured, trying to make my words as gentle as possible and knowing they were going to sting anyway. "What we have is kind of a give-and- take thing. You know, like the pixie and the hermit. They have a give and take thing going on. The hermit wants to be able to fix things with his book of spells, but the pixie has to do his part too. That's the way it is with us too Dane, you want me to treat you in a certain way, and I want you to treat me in a certain way. It's kind of like magic, and the magic doesn't work unless we both do our part."

"I know, but-" he said, sounding a little mystified at my words.

"Now hold on," I said more gruffly than I meant to. "When you said you weren't a 'bad boy', but were a man, earlier, you weren't just saying you were a grown man, because that's obvious. You were saying you weren't my boy. You broke the magic, didn't you?"

"Yes," he said as he started to pout.

"And you did that because you felt that I had let you down. But, you hadn't even given me the chance to come through for you, and that's just not fair. So I want you to get into your pajama's and get into bed."

His eyes snapped with anger. "But Max, it's only six o' clock!"

"You're going to bed now, and I want you to think about things. Tomorrow we'll talk about what to do about the summons you threw in the trash." I gave him a steady, direct look. "Are you going to mind me, Dane?" I asked calmly. I hoped he understood how important his answer to that question was to me. I really did.

He looked at me for a minute. "Yes, I'll mind you." As he slowly stood up and stretched, his question came out very casually. "Is going to bed early a punishment, Max?"

"Yes," I said quietly. I'd never sent him to bed early as punishment before, and understood his confusion. "It's a punishment--a punishment for my bad boy."

He bent down and kissed the top of my head. "I do trust you Max, and I'm sorry. I won't ever do it again. I promise."

I smiled and swatted his bottom. "Go to bed," I said using my sternest tone.

He gave me an obliging yelp, and then hurried out of the room.

He grinned at me--looking adorable with his ebony hair all messed up--and poked his toe into my rib-cage.

"Stop that, if you know what's good for you, mister." I warned drowsily.

He laughed and then snuggled up to me. With warm fingers he brushed his hands lazily across my chest, and toyed with my nipples. "I stayed in bed and thought about things like you told me to Max," he said softly.

I reached around and swatted his bottom gently. "That's good,"I answered and then yawned hugely.

He wrinkled his nose. "Ooh, god Max, you're breath smells like...chicken feet, or something!"

I laughed. "You're breath doesn't exactly smell like a bed of roses either, you know!" I informed him as I tickled him gently.

He jerked and laughed at my touch, and then when I stopped, he kissed me urgently.

A few minutes later I gave him another swat, a little less gently, and then tugged him up and out of bed, as I got to my feet. "OK, you shower, and shave that beard you're growing, and I'll brush the chicken feet out of my mouth, and then we need to talk."

The smile disappeared and his face then clouded over. "I realize that I wasn't fair to you Max, and I'm sorry," he said, seeming sincere, and then looked at the floor.

"It's OK, Dane. I think you just forgot for a while how much I care about you and how I'm here to help you."

He looked up and his face was bright with happiness. "It's all right?" he questioned almost gleefully.

I took his hand and kissed the palm of it. "Yes, but I'm still going to give you a little reminder, so you don't forget again."

"Oh..."

I released his hand. "And speaking of reminders, Monkey, turn around, so I can give you your usual five spanks for jumping on the bed," I told him matter-of-factly.

He frowned at me but did as I said.

I waited for a minute and then cleared my throat loudly. He looked over his shoulder and gave me a questioning look. "What?"

"Your PJ's didn't do anything wrong," I said as I looked at him sternly.

He rolled his eyes at me and then pulled them down.

SMACK!SMACK!SMACK!SMACK!SMACK!! I gave him five fairly hard swats, and the skin on his bottom grew rosy.

"OUCH!" he yelled, and then snatched his pajama bottoms back up. "That stung!"

I ruffled his hair. "What amazes me, is that you keep bouncing on the bed even though you get a stinging butt every time you do it."

He pouted dramatically for a minute. "But it's so muuuuch fun!" he whined at me.

I raised an eyebrow at him as I tried not to smile. "What's so much fun? Bouncing on the bed or a stinging backside?"

The pout disappeared as he smiled at my teasing him. "Oh, shut up, Max, you're so not funny," he said, even while he laughed.

"Go on and shower," I told him as I gave him a push toward the bathroom. "We have some important stuff to figure out."

He became serious once more. "OK Max, I hope we can."

"We can, Dane," I assured him, "because we're going to do it together."

I put my finger on the page I was skimming as a marker and then looked seriously at him. "The point is that You've been like a skittish horse lately, worrying about it, and you won't be able to rest until this is taken care of." I looked at him for a minute until he nodded his acquiescence, and then I continued talking to him. "You also have to understand that you can't make unpleasant things go away by ignoring them."

He dipped his head in embarrassment at my gentle chiding, and I reached over and stroked his hair. "C'mon, let's make this right, you'll feel so much better."

"But I don't know what to say," he replied, and I could tell by the way he was twisting the tablecloth on the dining table that he was becoming very anxious.

I pushed a pad of paper over to him so he could see it. "I've written the words, all you have to do is say them. That won't be too hard will it?" He studied the pad and then looked up at me obviously doubtful of my plan.

I smiled, trying to reassure him. "It'll be almost like I'm talking to them, and whatever they say it will in regard to my words. OK?"

He sighed deeply, and then nodded.

He got through the call, and it was difficult for him, I knew. I felt really proud of him as I took the phone back from him, and I could tell by his posture that he was proud of himself too.

"You're really brave, my baby, and I'm really proud of you!" I praised, and then stood up and pulled him up from his chair for a hug.

"It was hard," he told me.

I nodded. "I know, and it shouldn't be that hard. That's why I've decided we need to talk to somebody about how hard it is for you to interact with people, and see what can be done to help you with it so things can be easier for you."

He blanched at my words, and I steeled myself. I hadn't fooled myself that Dane was going to want to go along with this, but I'd decided it wasn't something that we were going to negotiate. He had been right when he said all I did was talk to him about this problem, and now I knew we had to take some kind of action.

"No Max! I just can't!" he burst out after a minute.

"We're going to to do this." I answered implacably.

"How can I? I can't talk to people and you want me to talk to someone about how I can't do that? That doesn't make sense!"

"I'll help you. I promise that I'll talk for you at first, and then later you won't need me to that anymore." I looked deeply into his eyes. "Dane, trust me, I know what I'm asking of you, and I know we can do this."

He stared into my eyes and after what seemed like a very long time, he nodded slowly. "I'll trust you, Max," he said in a shaky voice.

I smiled at his words. "I won't let you down," I promised.

We sat there for a few minutes, and then I sighed and stood up. "That reminds me of how the hermit tanned the pixie's bottom for throwing the paper in the trash and not trusting the hermit to use his magic spells," I said as I reached for Dane's hand and led him toward the sofa in the living room. "Do you remember that part of the story?"

Dane frowned but didn't resist my leading him. "No, I don't remember that part, Max," he answered, a pout in his voice.

"Well, there's a happy ending after that," I said softly, as I pulled him very gently across my lap.

"I sure hope so," he muttered grumpily.

Copyright © 2003 Tris