Dreamswept

Los Angeles, CA- Sept. 27th 2006
Jeff Hillard yawned and took a sip from his cup of black coffee before entering the beginners mountaineering and rock climbing class that he taught every Saturday. Scratching lightly at his unkempt beard he surveyed his students as they scaled the climbing wall that had been set up in the classroom.

His eyes settled on a young woman who was sweating profusely as she leaned back into her rope, pushing herself upward even though she it was obvious that is was a real struggle.

"Great job, Eliza, keep it up!" he boomed out, proud to see her giving it her all.

As he watched her, he noticed a jerky movement on one of the other walls, and swerved to check it out. It turned out that one of the climbers, a young kid who didn't look like he weighed more than 120 pounds soaking wet, had missd one of the holds and was hanging from his line with a big embarrassed grin on his face.

Jeff scowled at the kid, who was looking directly at him, then strode over to his wall. "Are you just going to hang there in the air like an idiot?" he called up to the kid. "Or what?"

The kid's smile widened at the question, while at the same time he used his feet to push off even further from the climbing wall. Arcing back and forth above Jeff's head he laughed gleefully.

Anger rose up in Jeff as a fragment of memory clutched at his belly. In a flash he was barking orders up at the foolish kid. "Get your ass back on that wall and then get down here to me!" he roared, as he stabbed a finger toward the floor.

A couple of minutes later the kid was standing in front of him, eyes sparkling, and exhibiting not one iota of fear for the giant of a man who towered over him.

Jeff stabbed his index finger into the kids skinny chest. "Do you know what would happen if you pulled a stunt like that on a mountain, Dumb ass?" he demanded.

The kid quirked his mouth at a comical angle before he answered. "I wouldn't do that on a mountain, I was just trying to get you to notice me."

"Well you did that, all right," Jeff answered tersely as he turned and strode over to a desk where a clipboard lay. "Now why don't you be a good little boy and tell me your name, so I can call your mommy and daddy to come pick you up. You're officially out of this class."

For the first time since the climbing incident the kid looked like he was taking things more seriously. Jeff noticed the crestfallen look on the kid's young face. "Well?"

"My name is Reed Bass-Johnson," he said softly, sounding almost contrite, Jeff thought.

"Well, Reed Bass-Johnson, you can come back when you turn eighteen. Hopefully by then you will have gained a little common sense and I can help train you. Now, tell me who to call to pick your sorry ass up."

Reed took a few steps closer to Jeff. "I was just trying to get your attention so I could talk to you a little bit. You see, I'm going to climb Everest, just like you have, and I want to be on one of your expeditions some day," he said in a confidential tone.

Jeff laughed. "You're kidding right?"

The kid seemed hurt because he had laughed, but Jeff didn't give a damn at the moment. A dark, cold memory from his past was still haunting him and he was pissed at this Reed kid for helping to bring it up.

"No, I'm not kidding. You don't know what I can achieve when I put my mind to it." Reed's face darkened causing Jeff a moment's pause. "What are you anyway, some kind of dream killer? If so, you can just fuck right off!"

Jeff was taken aback at the ferocity of Reed's anger, because he had taken the kid to be extremely good-natured if a bit of an air-head.

He put a calming hand on the kid's shoulder. "OK, listen Reed," he said more gently, as the kid stared at him in clear indignation, "You probably just need a year or so to mature, so like I said, when you turn eighteen you come back and we'll see. How does that sound?"

"I'm twenty-three," Reed said sullenly, his eyes flashing clear hurt at Jeff.

"Oh, sorry about that, but you still look a little wet behind the ears," Jeff replied bluntly, while scratching at his beard and letting his gaze roam over Reed's thin frame once more.

"Looks can be deceiving. I'm tough and strong and I'm not afraid of anything," Reed asserted, his good humor apparently returning along with his oddly infectious grin.

Jeff allowed a small smile to slip across his lips as he remembered his own youthful dreams of summiting Mt. Everest. The smile soon fell away as he imagined this silly, good-natured kid lying dead in the snow.

"You're not afraid of anything, huh? Then you're the last person I'd ever allow in my course, let alone on a summiting team. Like I said, when you mature a bit, come back and we'll see."

The confused look in the dark eyes that met his own, caused him to look away. He knew he was hurting Reed by his refusal, but it was better that than to accept him into the course only to have him pull some stupid stunt when the going got tough.

Jeff had vowed long ago that he would never have another injury or death on his hands.

"Yo, Jeff?"

"What is it, kid?"

If you give me one more chance I swear to God that I will show you what I'm made of. I can do this and I won't grandstand or anything, I promise. I can be a team player."

"I don't think you can," Jeff said sternly. "And I don't want any fearless assholes putting the rest of the group in danger."

Reed sidled closer to Jeff until their bodies were nearly touching and then looked at him beseechingly. "You've got me all wrong, man. It was a mistake in judgment to do what I did on the climbing wall, I can see that now. All I want is to be in your class, that's all I want. If I mess up again, I'll go, and I won't argue, but you've got to give me one more chance."

'One more chance,' Jeff thought to himself bitterly, allowing himself to wallow in the pain of the past for a minute.

"You think the mountains are going to give you one more chance?" He asked, his deep voice thick with unspoken pain. "No way will they do that."

"But, you will, won't you?" Reed asked with a winning smile. "Because you have a good soul, I can tell."

Jeff wasn't about to show that he was affected by the kid's words, so he laughed and cuffed him on the shoulder instead. "All right, one more chance and that's it. You better be on your toes, though, because I'm going to be waiting for you to mess up so I can kick you out."

Reed smiled, his straight white teeth flashing at Jeff. "Thanks, Jeff! I'll be an asset to you and the others, I give you my word."

Jeff gave the kid's shoulder a thump. "Prove it then," he said before abruptly turning away to gauge the other climber's progress.

The bacterial meningitis that had that had struck him the year before had caused him to be the skinny runt that looked back at him from the mirror, he knew, but it still hurt that Jeff had thought he was a kid.

As he thought of the big muscular man, he grinned in spite of himself, and the reflection of the tiny crinkles at the corners of his eyes gave away his age quite clearly.

He flopped down cross-legged and untied his hiking boots, then standing back up, he slipped his feet into a pair of fuzzy bunny slippers his mom had given him for his birthday, thinking that if Jeff could see him in those slippers, he would probably scowl at him like he had that morning when he'd purposefully messed up.

Reed closed his eyes for a minute, smiling softly as he thought of the giant of a man who had climbed to the summit of Everest, not once but five separate times. Jeff Hillard, he repeated in his mind, as if saying the name to himself would somehow bring him closer to his idol...and to his dream.

Pulling himself out of his exhausted reverie, he plodded to the kitchen, where he made a cup of peppermint cocoa, then grabbing the leftovers of last night's stir-fry from the fridge, he headed to his bedroom.

He glanced at his walls, which were covered with posters of Everest, and then after setting his food down on his bedside table, grabbed a worn scrapbook from his bookshelf.

Reed thumbed through the pages quickly--skipping through whole sections with clippings about the 1996 Everest disaster--until he came to the two small clippings about one of Jeff's summit attempts. Rubbing his thumb across the small picture of Jeff's face, he read the accompanying article of how Jeff and the Sherpa he had been accompanying had been only three hundred feet below the summit when they had happened upon an ill climber.

He shook his head in wonder as he continued reading of how the pair had tossed their summit attempt so they could help the guy back to their tents.

Why had Jeff done that? he wondered for the millionth time since he first clipped the article. Why would anyone do that when they were so close to the top of the world?

Reed glanced up at one of the posters on his wall, the one captioned 'Live your Dream', and furrowed his brow slightly. It had been Jeff's first attempt and he had blown it for some dude he hadn't even known, Reed thought in wonder. But Why?

He skimmed over the part of the article where it said the guy that Jeff had rescued hadn't survived the night. Not allowing the reality of it to sink in, he refocused on the grainy photo of Jeff in his climbing gear, his heart swelling in pride for the man he could not begin to fathom. "A good heart," he murmured as he gently stroked the picture thoughtfully.

He was startled out of his reverie by his cell phone's ring tone. He slammed closed the scrapbook and then reached into the front pocket of his camo pants for the phone. "What, what, what?" he said impatiently after picking up, knowing by caller ID that it was either his mother or his step-dad.

"A 'hello' would be nice, Reed," the cheerful voice of his mother, Caroline Bass, chirped across the line.

Reed smiled a little. "Oh hey, Mom, I was just kind of busy."

"OK, honey. So, did you eat today? Did you enroll in any classes? Did you take those damn posters down from your wall? Tell me all about it," she said with a mildly ironic tone in her voice.

Reed snorted a little. "Mom, you're a card...whatever that means. I guess Jim put you up to calling me, huh?"

"He just wants you to do well, that's all," his mom said gently.

Reed tried not to let his mother's words get to him, but he never could keep words from getting to him. "He just wants me to be like him, you mean," he retorted, resentment oozing from his voice despite his best attempts to stay positive.

"That's not fair, Reed," his mother scolded gently. "He just wants you to get your head out of the clouds and...he worries about you."

"He's a dream killer," Reed said with disdain. "You know he would have liked to accomplish his dreams but he was to weak to go after them, so he can't stand the thought of me doing what he couldn't do."

"Wow, that's uncharacteristically cynical of you, Reed, and I happen to know it's more complicated than that. He loves you. Don't you forget that."

There was a long pause. "He misses seeing you, Reed, why don't you ever visit him?"

Reed plopped onto his bed and stared down at the cheerfully smiling bunnies on his feet. "I'm tired, Mom, I had my first climbing class today."

"You did?"

"Yeah, and Jeff Hillard is teaching the class," Reed said dreamily. "You know, I showed you the clipping about him one time. He was the one who aborted his attempt-"

"Yes, I remember," Caroline interrupted quickly, but Reed what are you thinking, baby? You're just getting over a very serious illness. You need to concentrate on returning to normal functioning before you...."

Reed had been only half-listening, but at the long pause, he became a little concerned."Mom, you still there?"

"Your dad wants to talk to you," she said after a moment.

"I'm too tired to-" Reed began before he realized the phone had been passed over to his step-father.

"Reed, what's all this nonsense about a mountain climbing class?" The stern tone in Jim's voice, rankled him and he regressed about ten years in the face of it.

"It's not nonsense, Jim! Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?" Jim replied tersely.

"Try to discourage me at every fucking turn!" Reed impulsively blurted out.

"I don't, and you'd better watch your language, young man, or I might just come over there and- "

Reed interrupted with a harsh laugh. "Yeah, OK, Jim, whatever," he said patronizingly. "I'm really exhausted, so could we talk later?"

"Your mother is crying. You're scaring her and you're scaring me with your bizarre behavior recently. Doesn't that matter to you at all?"

Reed looked up at his posters. "Not really, dude, but I'm sorry that neither of you can understand what I'm trying to achieve. A guilt trip is not going to stop me though. In a year or so I'm going to be on the top of Everest and you'll see."

Jim sighed loudly and Reed childishly mimicked the sound.

"Reed...I just wish your father hadn't left you that damned trust fund. If I had any say in the matter-"

"You don't have any say," Reed said, interrupting his step-father once again. "You haven't had any say since you called me a faggot and threatened to kick me out of the house when I told you I was gay," he said casually, trying not to let the memory of Jim's betrayal hurt him anymore.

"I thought we had gotten past that." Jim's voice was low and tense sounding, with an underlying urgency that Reed couldn't fail to notice. "How long are you going to hold that against me, son?" his step-dad questioned.

Reed shook his head angrily, but when he looked up at his "Live your dreams poster', he cheered up a little. Jim didn't matter, he told himself, the only thing that mattered now was his goal, and he was going to reach that goal if it killed him.

"Yeah, Jim, I guess we have gotten past it. Sorry for bringing it up."

He heard Jim clear his throat and he waited impatiently, wanting to hang up so he could get back to what was really important to him.

"Will you at least consider re-enrolling in college?" Jim finally asked.

"Uh huh, I'll think about it," Reed replied, the chasm between him and the man he once admired so much growing wider by the moment. "I will, for sure. Don't worry, everything's going to be OK."

"And you're taking care of yourself? I mean, You're eating well and sleeping regularly?"

"Yeah I'm taking care of myself. Jim, but look, I have to hit the sheets now, I'm just wasted from my climbing class," Reed said with a little smile, knowing that his reminder of the goal he was trying to achieve would bug Jim a little."

There was a long silence, then: "OK, buddy. Well, I'll talk to you later then. You know I love you, right?"

"Ditto," Reed replied distractedly.

As he lay his phone beside him on the bed he realized he hadn't gotten to say good-bye to his mother before hanging up. He smiled to himself when he realized that she would no doubt call him back in the morning.

His mind suddenly carried him unwillingly back to the time when he was seventeen and had come out to his mother and Jim. His heart pounded with anxiety as if it was happening all over again, and when the memory faded he felt grateful that he had always had his mom's support, at least.

Reed slowly finished his stir fry, downed his cocoa, and then still fully dressed, climbed tiredly under the covers of his bed, imagining Jeff lying beside him in the darkness. When he drifted off to sleep he dreamed of next Saturday's class, but in the dream he was no longer himself--an underweight,'wet behind the ears' dreamer and wannabe climber--but a large bearded man, who oozed confidence in his ability to survive, and who had the world by the balls. For those few moments, while he dreamed he was Jeff Hillard, Reed felt more serene than he had for a very long time.

He had loved Chris, but not enough--according to Chris--to stop his adventuring ways and stay at home with him. Chris was right, of course, and so as he chatted with the man he had spent two years with, there was no rancor in his heart, only a profound sense of loyalty and friendship remained.

He also knew that as much as the breakup had hurt him, that it had been much, much more difficult for Chris, because before Jeff had left for Nepal that Spring, Chris had been secretly planning a civil ceremony so they could be married.

He hadn't heard that from his lover himself, but from a friend who had spoken to a tearful Chris after he left Jeff.

"He couldn't go through with it, not knowing if you were going to be killed on one of your expeditions," he'd been informed accusingly by a man he didn't even know except for the few times Chris had mentioned him in passing. "But, by God, he loved you, and so I hope it was worth it for you."

And even after he knew the truth of the depth of Chris' love for him, Jeff still went on another expedition the following year. So, even though there was some guilt attached, Jeff had finally had to admit to himself that, yes, it had been worth it.

But as he talked to Chris about this and that, he remembered the heat and scent of his ex-lover's body, and there was some regret.

None of the climber's in his group had arrived yet, and since he'd already checked all the climbing gear, he allowed himself the luxury of listening to Chris talking cheerfully on about his new partner.

Chris was happy now, apparently, and was making plans similar to the ones he had secretly been making about Jeff. And, Jeff was genuinely happy for him, knowing that Chris deserved more than he could ever hope to offer.

"He's a damn good man," Jeff said with his usual straightforwardness. "I'm happy for you, Chrissy. You deserve to be happy."

Just as he was waiting for Chris' reply, Jeff saw a figure out of his peripheral vision. He automatically checked his watch and seeing that class time was nearing he said gently, "Students are arriving now, Chris. Call me later, OK?"

After the call ended, Jeff turned to see who was there. He frowned slightly when he saw Reed Bass-Johnson grinning over at him. The kid was dressed in camo pants and t-shirt. Even the bandanna tied around his dark hair was camouflage, and Jeff smirked a little at the kid. "It won't do you any good to try to camouflage yourself, because I am going to be watching you like a hawk. How much do you want to bet that you'll be out of here before the class is halfway through?"

Reed, still with that goofy grin on his face, stepped closer to Jeff, and held out his hand to shake. "I'll bet a hundred bucks that I'm going to impress you today, Jeff, and I'll bet a thousand bucks that you're going to be my guide up Everest come Spring."

Jeff laughed and held out his hand. "Well, you have confidence, even if you don't have a good grasp on reality," he said, feeling amusement at the kid's bullish tenacity, "I have to hand it to you for that, at least. You're on, but I'm warning I'm going to be on your ass for any slip up, so be prepared to go home crying."

At his words, Reed's eyes sparkled at him. "I want you to correct me, Jeff, I mean if I make any mistakes at all. You're the man, and I want to learn everything I possibly can from you."

Jeff furrowed his eyebrows slightly, wondering for the first time since he'd met Reed the previous Saturday, exactly what the kid knew about him and his climbing expeditions.

"You might not say that if I smack you in front of the whole group, and I'm warning you I've been known to do that from time to time," Jeff said gruffly as he folded his arms over his chest trying to intimidate the kid a bit.

Reed's eyes opened wide and then he said softly. "Sure, man, whatever. If you think I deserve it, go for it. I don't care, I'm just grateful that you let me stay in your class."

Jeff felt a little confused, as he stared into Reed's dark eyes. "You really are a persistent little guy," he said with reluctant admiration. " You really want to be a climber, huh? You're not just messing around?"

"I've never been more serious about anything in my life," Reed replied, the ever present grin slipping for a moment, giving Jeff a glimpse of the raw determination that had been so well-hidden before.

Jeff rubbed at his beard thoughtfully, while surveying the thin, almost skeletal young man who stood before him. "You'll have to gain some weight and a lot of muscle, but if you really want to be a mountaineer then you'll do what has to be done, it's as simple as that. Either you have what it takes, in here, I mean," he said jerking a thumb toward his chest, "or you don't."

The smile returned to Reed's face. "I have what it takes Jeff, and it's going to take me to the peak of Mt. Everest."

Jeff nodded. "OK, but do you have what it takes to bring you back down again? That's the hard part. Don't forget that."

There was a sheen over the kid's eyes as he stared solemnly back, and Jeff thought he heard a hitch in Reed's voice when he responded, "I won't forget it. Thanks, Jeff."

Jeff sighed. "All right then, get your gear and then haul your ass back up onto that wall. I wasn't kidding about smacking you either, if that's what it takes, so be forewarned."

"Got it," Reed said, another of his infectious grins surfacing, making Jeff smile in spite of himself.

"Good, now go!" Jeff said as he feigned a slap at the back of the kid's head.

Each of the climbing walls had different obstacles. Where one might have a jutting outcrop of faux rocks to traverse, another might have the holds spaced at odd angles. After watching his group climb for about thirty minutes, Jeff decided he would make things interesting and switch things up.

"All right, everyone down!" he boomed out before having each climber go forward to the next wall.

True to his word he had kept a sharp eye on the Reed kid, looking for a reason to send him home. He noticed as he had watched him climb, that what he lacked in size and strength he'd made up in sheer determination.

He also didn't fail to notice that the kid was huffing and puffing like a steam engine when he descended, so when he caught the kid staring at him he motioned for him to come over.

Once Reed stood before him, he hooked a thumb toward one of the bottles of sport drink he had set out. "Get a drink before you continue," he said.

He waited for his instruction to be obeyed and was a little surprised when Reed hesitated. "Get a drink," he repeated.

Reed was looking around the room, and Jeff assumed he was seeing if any of the other students were stopping for a drink as well.

"Why me?" the words were uttered mutinously and Jeff scowled.

"Because you're a skinny, weak runt who needs to take a rest and I'm not going to have you passing out in my class because of your dumb-ass pride. Now go get a drink, and lose the attitude before I kick you out of here."

He watched as Reed's face took on an embarrassed flush, then nodded tersely as the kid wordlessly brushed past him and grabbed up one of the bottles from the table.

Jeff waited until most of the other climbers were descending their ropes, and the Bass-Johnson kid was on the ascent nearing the middle before he suddenly boomed out, "All right! Let me see some some speed now. The first person to reach the top will get half their class fee reduced. Now hit it!"

He watched as some of the students rappelled down and then start the climb back up.

He strolled over to Reeds wall and looked up with a gleam in his eye.

The kid was really pushing himself, just as Jeff had suspected he would. Jeff figured that it was the simple challenge and not the idea of a discount, because Reed seemed to him to be one of those rich little brats from L.A. that he had encountered many time before. In any case, Jeff was pleased at the way the kid was hitting the holds, and he was even a tad impressed that the kid was moving so carefully. Only once did his foot skim one of the holds and he got his balance back immediately and continued upward.

The other climbers were moving quickly too, but Jeff knew that they weren't going to catch up with Reed. He knew because that was the way he'd planned it.

Just as Reed's left foot hit the third hold from the top, Jeff yelled up to him. "All right Reed, stop where you are and climb back down."

The kid placed his foot on the third hold and then turned his head to look down at Jeff. "What?" he exclaimed.

"You heard me," Jeff replied harshly. "Descend right now."

Even from below he could see the look of surprise on the kid's face and for a second he almost felt guilty for what he was doing.

"But, but...why?" Reed sputtered down to him.

"Because I told you to!" Jeff barked out.

He smiled knowingly when the kid ignored his instruction, and continued climbing, just as he had suspected he would.

Now he would have a perfectly legitimate reason to kick Reed out of the course, and he fully intended to do it, for the kid's own good, of course.

He strode over to the table where he kept all the his papers and grabbed his clipboard. He was still thumbing through the member's applications when Reed walked up to him. "Why'd you tell me to come down?" he asked, his voice full of confusion.

Having found Reed's application, he held it out to him. "You had your second chance and you blew it, kid. Now, hit the road," he said coolly before looking back to the walls to see who was going to hit the top first.

He could tell the kid was still there because he could hear him panting with exertion. He turned toward him to throw a couple of gruff words of dismissal, but was struck dumb by the sight of the kid bending over with his hands on his toes. The sight of the skinny butt tilted upward nearly made him laugh in spite of himself.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Go ahead and smack me Jeff," Reed answered. "Because even though I don't understand why you called me back down, I should have done it anyway. Go ahead, dude, hit me as heard as you want but please don't kick me out of class."

Jeff was trying his damnedest not to grin at the kid's bizarre antics, but when he looked around and saw that a crowd of students was gathering he quickly retained his professionalism. "Stand up, kid, you're making a fool of yourself," he said brusquely before sending everyone else to the drink table.

As soon as Reed was upright, he grabbed him by the upper arm and turned him to face him. "Listen, I tricked you, and you fell for it. I knew you would and it proves to me that you just aren't ready."

Jeff's face darkened as a memory swept over him like a blast of freezing air. "It's better that you know now," he murmured while clenching his fists and taking a deep breath to block out the memory that was gnawing at him.

Reed was standing close to him when he came back to the present, his face mere inches from his own. "Are you OK, Jeff?" the kid asked while brushing a palm across Jeff's forehead.

At the warm touch, Jeff shivered slightly with sexual tension. Realizing he was starting to have feelings for Reed he put a hand out and gave him a slight shove in the chest to put some distance between them.

After everything, another romantic attachment was the last thing he needed in his life. It would only get in his way.

"Look, don't you get it?" he said harshly, "You're not good enough! Go home and pick up another sport like skateboarding or surfing."

"You really don't think I'm good enough, Jeff? Not even good enough for a beginner's course?"

Jeff looked into the dark eyes that were so full of sadness and unable to say anymore to wound Reed, he simply shook his head."

"Oh...well, I guess you would know. Thanks... for giving me another chance."

Jeff felt like the worst kind of bastard as he watched the kid fold up his admission paper, then turn, head down, to put his equipment away.

He tried to shake the guilt off. After, all, he told himself, he was saving the kid a load of heartache down the road. If he couldn't even climb down from a climbing wall when ordered to, what chance did he have to make himself turn back near the summit of a mountain?

Jeff did not want to see the kid die, and that was the reason he had been so hard on him, and had finally let him go from the class.

That's what he told himself as he walked back over to the climbers and issued instructions. But, he also turned to look over his shoulder a few times to see if Reed had come back into the classroom to try to change his mind.

When he didn't see the slight figure returning, he shrugged his shoulders, but inside he was a little bit disappointed.

He was on his way to car a few hours later, with gym bag in hand when he heard footsteps behind him on the pavement. He turned and was surprised to see Reed standing there.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked casually before continuing to his car.

"Hey Jeff, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Jeff was quite aware of what Reed wanted to talk about, and he pressed his lips into a thin line of determination. "OK, but I'm heading to the gym so you might want to hurry it up."

The corners of his mouth twitched a little when Reed suddenly trotted in fron of him and grinned directly into his face. "Can I go to the gym with you, Jeff?" he asked, "I need to work out some too."

When the kid flexed his small muscles, Jeff laughed. "You really are persistent. Yeah, allright, I can give you a ride to the gym if you want, but you'll have to find a ride home because I have a dinner date."

The kid looked at him quizzically. "A date? With a woman?"

Jeff bristled at the question, thinking that Reed was acting a little too amazed at the idea of him dating a woman. "Not that it's any of your business," he said brusquely, "but I'm having dinner with some friends."

"Climber friends?" Reed asked.

Sighing impatiently, Jeff hurried his pace and when he arrived at his vintage Firebird he quickly inserted the key into the trunk's lock.

"Wow, cool ride," Reed said as he ran his hand lightly over the new paint job. "Orange is one of my favorite colors."

"Glad to hear it," Jeff said tersely, becoming annoyed with the kid.

"So are you having dinner with some climbing friends?" Reed repeated and then smiled at Jeff.

"Yes," Jeff responded as he tossed his bag into the trunk and then slammed the lid down. "Now, enough questions, I feel like I'm on the witness stand."

Reed laughed and then bounced up and down on his heels. "I guess I'm just very impressed with you Jeff. Sorry if I'm coming on too strong or something."

Jeff shook his head. "All right, let's go," he said as he tossed the keys to the kid so he could unlock the passenger door. "And keep your trap shut on the ride to the gym or you might just get yourself thrown out of a moving car."

Reed smiled winningly at Jeff. "Got it! I won't say a word."

Jeff held his hand out for the keys, then after the kid tossed them back and he was in the driver's seat, he looked over at Reed. "Not one word," he warned.

Reed nodded his head but the smile was still plastered across his face.

"And stop smiling all the time," he said as they pulled out of the parking lot. "Nobody has the right to be as happy as you seem to be."

The smile slipped from the kid's face as if it had been a convenient mask that had suddenly lost its value, and Jeff was slightly startled at the change. Obviously the kid had been fronting for him, but why? To manipulate him into letting him back into climbing class? he didn't know, but he did know that he was not going to be manipulated.

He drove to gym in grim determination, and after he parked the car, he swivelled in his seat and glared at Reed. "You know you aren't going to talk me into letting you back in my class. So, if that's what you are planning you can just forget it."

Somber eyes looked into his. "You really think I suck, huh? I mean more than all the other beginners in your class? I really don't understand, Jeff, because nobody is all that good, yet."

Jeff huffed because what the kid said was true and he knew that he really couldn't think of a logical reason he had been so rough on him.

"Is it just because I was showing off in your first class?" the kid asked quietly. "I hope that's it. I just hope I'm not as freaking worthless as you make me out to be."

"I never said you were worthless," Jeff said brusquely, "but that was not a little stunt you pulled, either. A climber can't be foolhardy or he'll die. I gave you another chance and then you ignored my instruction to descend this morning. So, that's it for you. Maybe sometime in the future you can rejoin my class."

"Can I hang out with you at the gym, Jeff? I won't bug you or anything."

Jeff looked into Reed's puppy dog eyes and softened in spite of himself. "Yeah, sure, if you want to." he grumbled before heading inside.

He was passing by the shelves of free weights on his way to the treadmill, when he saw Reed reaching for a pair of seventy-five pound barbells. He stopped dead in his tracks and glared at Reed. "Those are too heavy for you. Do you want to tear a muscle?" He groused as he grabbed up the twenty-five pound weights and held them out to the kid. "Don't tell me you've never even worked out with weights before."

To his surprise the kid dropped the weights to the floor, then stood and glared at Jeff before turning on his heel and retreating toward the shower room.

The weights had made a terrific crash and the other guys in the gym were staring, so Jeff quickly picked them up and replaced them on their shelf.

He then turned and stared at the entrance to the shower room and as he did so his anger grew. He didn't know what had possessed the kid to throw a tantrum like that but he was going to go in there and give him a piece of his mind, that was for damn sure.

He strode up behind the kid who was rummaging around in a locker. Roughly, he jabbed a finger into Reed's shoulder. "What the hell was that all about?" he demanded. "You don't just drop weights on the floor like that!"

Reed didn't turn around, he simply shrugged his shoulder where Jeff had jabbed him. "Aw, fuck off Jeff," he mumbled.

Impulsively, Jeff brought his hand back and swatted the kid on the seat of his pants. Then surprised at his action he glanced quickly around the shower room to make sure no one had witnessed the impromptu spank.

Reed whirled around and rubbed at his behind, his eyes blazing at Jeff. "You don't get to do that now that I'm not in your class anymore."

Jeff shrugged and retreated a few steps, feeling embarrassed and confused. "I guess I did that because you acted like a spoiled brat out there."

The kid took a step toward him even as he was retreating. "How would you feel, Jeff, if someone you admired berated you at every turn? You know I thought you were something special, but I guess I was wrong. I think you're just a bully, and you think that you've found a punk to pick on."

Jeff opened his mouth and then shut it again, as a wave of heat coursed through his face. His anger was completely gone; replaced with a deep feeling of shame. "Look, I'm sorry I hit you, and I'm sorry I said that about the weights in front of others. It's nothing personal, it's just... me."

Reed looked at Jeff for a minute, and Jeff couldn't read the look the kid gave him. "It's nothing personal?" Reed asked, his brows raised questioningly. "You sure?"

Jeff forced a laugh to try to cover the awkwardness of the moment. "Yeah, I'm just a cantankerous old fart, and that's the truth."

It was the truth, Jeff knew, but not the whole truth. The fact was that there was something about the other man that both rankled and attracted him, and not understanding why, it was just easier to blow the kid off or boss him around.

He stuck out his hand to shake with Reed. "Everything OK now?" he asked and then added with a touch of humor, "You aren't going to get your rich Dad to sue my ass for hitting you, are you?"

Reed shook his head, a serious look on his face. "I'm not that kind of person," he said in flat tone of voice. "I fight my own battles."

Jeff withdrew his hand, when Reed did not shake it. "Yep, I realize I went too far, but it's good that you know now that I'm not anything special, Reed, because, really, I'm just...a guy."

Reed smiled at Jeff's words. "OK, I think I understand now. It's cool, but I want you to know that I'm still going to go after my dreams. I'll just join another class to do it."

Jeff felt an odd sense of disappointment at the words. "All right," he said before turning away.

Before he had taken three steps Reed's words stopped him in his tracks. "I didn't mean what I said earlier. I still admire you, Jeff, and I still think you're the man."

Jeff sighed deeply with the weight of those words, then motioned for Reed to follow him. "C'mon let's run the treadmill, it'll give you some stamina. God knows you need it."

"Really?" Reed asked, that big, goofy grin spreading over his face once more.

"Yeah, really," Jeff answered, his gruffness returning. "But don't make me regret it by jabbering the whole time we work out. You hear?"

"Got it," Reed said as he trotted beside Jeff, barely keeping up with Jeff's long-legged stride. "Maybe I'll impress you enough that you'll let me back into your class."

Jeff laughed and rolled his eyes skyward. "Highly doubtful."

But that had been just what had happened and as he sat in the Raven Bar & Grill with his buddies that night, Jeff's mind went back to that afternoon at the gym. How had the god damned fates orchestrated that piece of work? Why had he let Reed back in class when he had been so determined not to work with him? Had it been remorse for swatting the kid, that had made let the kid back in to class or had his motivations been more primal and more base.

He took a sip of his gin and tonic, and tried to focus on the conversation his buddies were involved in, but then the memory of Reed bent over offering his butt for punishment distracted him. what a strange guy, he thought, not at all like most of the climbers he knew who oozed competence and machismo from every pore. The kid was bold and tenacious, that was for sure, but Jeff hadn't sensed that same self-satisfaction most mountaineers possessed. And the way he had good-naturedly invited punishment for any mistake told Jeff that the kid possessed some spark of humility beneath that youthful bravado.

He tapped the bar so the bartender would know he needed a refill and then once more considered that earlier spank he had delivered. Had it just been a natural response to the kid bending over for one earlier or did he actually want to spank Reed. Had the skinny target bent over for him been too much of a temptation? One that he had to act upon hours later?

Jeff didn't want to think about it anymore, and yet he was finding that difficult to do.

After he walked home from the bus stop that evening, Reed had dashed into his apartment and had pulled his pants down in the back to see if he had Jeff's hand print on his butt. He saw that a slight pinkness was all that remained of the hard spank he had received earlier. "He sure is strong, though," Reed murmured with admiration as he jerked his pants back up over his rump. "And it was a small price to pay to get back into his good graces." He smiled hugely remembering Jeff telling him he could return to class, and he realized all the swats in the world wouldn't have been too high a price to pay for that.

He headed for the shower hoping the hot water would soothe some of the soreness he felt in his calves and thighs. He had done his best to keep up with Jeff's pace, but when it had become obvious after a while that he couldn't, he had finally turned off his treadmill, gotten a coke from a nearby machine, and sat on the floor to watch Jeff finish his workout.

He couldn't help but admire Jeff's lithe, muscular body, and he also couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to be in bed with Jeff. He knew Jeff couldn't be gay, that his idol being gay would be too good to be true, but that didn't stop Reed from thinking about being with him, and as he had watched the muscles rippling in Jeff's back as he ran on the treadmill, he had gotten turned on.

Totally natural response, he knew, but what had not been so natural was the way he had somehow known that Jeff was going to follow him into the shower room and spank his butt for dropping those weights. But, he had. He had known it would happen before it had happened, and that was anything but natural.

As he soaped up his lean body, he imagined Jeff personally training him and preparing him for the expedition that consumed his mind all of the time. If Jeff could teach him all he knew, then Reed would make it to the summit of the mountain. Of that he was sure.

And he realized that it wouldn't matter if Jeff chastised him while he was training him, not if it would honestly help him.

He thought of how he had rebelled in his youth when his stepfather had tried to discipline him physically, and how he had lost respect for Jim the few times he attempted it. It was difficult for him to believe he had willingly offered his ass for punishment to Jeff, but he had.

As he exited the shower and toweled the droplets of water from his skinny chest, he wondered if the difference had to do with respect. Or maybe he was just turning into a submissive, like his friend Leo from the skate park, who's partner told him what to do all the time and he loved doing it.

Reed crinkled his nose at the idea. No way, he thought with disdain. It was just a part of the determination he had to succeed at his dream. Nothing else came into play. No way.

Nonetheless, he was slightly restless the rest of the evening and he didn't know why.

Out of habit, he would stop every minute or so and look up at the clear blue sky to check for ominous cloud formations. He then stared up solemnly at the steep crag that he had chosen for their first real rock climb.

When he was certain that everything was as it should be, all that was left was his climbing talk. "OK, you are all ready for this challenge, or you wouldn't be here," he said loudly to be heard over the rising wind. "You've passed three mountaineering and rock climbing courses in just under nine months and I'm confident in your abilities."

Jeff smiled and took one more stroll amongst the climbers, his focus still on the harnasss and clips, the items which would prevent these relative novices from plunging to their deaths should a hold give way or a step missed. "Focus all you have on this climb, and don't be ashamed of your fear. Let it guide you and keep you aware; that's what it's there for. Fear is your friend, don't ever forget that."

His eyes swerved to Reed, and he said grimly. "Fearless climbers die."

Reed nodded back at him, and Jeff tried to supress the small niggling fear that the kid's presence caused. He knew there was no logical reason for it, Reed had turned out to be one of the best climbers in his class and had become more muscular and in shape as time progressed, but he still couldn't shake that image of him flying over his head from the rope on that first day of class. "OK, everybody, grab your partner's and let's go. I'm not going to hold your hand on this climb so you'd all be better be damn sure you can do it."

He threw a walkie-talkie to Eliza, the designated team leader and most responsible of the climbers, so she could radio if their were any problems. He then sent the group on their way.

He stared up through is bonoculars as the pairs ascended and gasped when he saw Reed lose his footing suddenly. His fear turned to outright terror when he saw the kid swinging limply from his rope off the side of the cliff.

A moment later he saw Reed's partner and another climber pulling the kid back up. He bit at his lip, hoping that the rope would hold Reed's dead weight. Before he could radio to Eliza, he heard the crackle of the walkie-talkie that preceded communication and he held it up to his ear.

"A climber lost consciousness and is just hanging off a cliff, Jeff!"Eliza siad breathlessly. "W'ere pulling him up but he's unconscious. Over." His heart thrummed in his chest as he peered once more through the binoculars, watching as the group pulled on the rope and finally got Reed to safety. "Good job, now get him on a flat patch so we can decide what to do next. Over."

"Oh god, Jeff, he's twitching and foaming at the mouth. Over."

"I'm coming up," Jeff said. "In the meantime, make sure he's on level ground. You got that, Eliza?"

"Yes, OK, he's on level ground," Eliza responded, sounding calmer than she had moments before. "he's stopped foaming at the mouth and is no longer convulsing. Over." As Jeff quickly began to climb the sheer face of the rock, he realized that the niggling feeling he had earlier had been a portent. Every climber knew to listen to gut feelings, and he had pointedly ignored his, allowing Reed and his mixed feelings for him cloud his internal radar. He just hoped the kid was going to be all right in spite of his irresponsibility.

By the time he reached the climbers Reed had regained consciousness and was sitting up, surrounded by a group of very concerned looking people. Jeff took a deep breath before making his way over to his group. "What happened to you?" he asked gruffly as he kneeled beside Reed.

The kid seemed confused and he kept rubbing at his head as he stared at Jeff.

"Did he fall before he lost consciousness?" Jeff asked, looking at Eliza.

"No, he was walking behind me and we were traversing the last cliff when I felt a pull on the rope and the next thing, he was just flying."

Jeff refocused his attention on Reed. "Do you think you can walk? If so I can help you down."

Reed shrugged and then nodded. "I guess so," he said vaguely.

At the bottom of the cliffs the fireworks began between the two men.

"You have Epilepsy?" Jeff roared and then gave Reed a shove which sent him sprawling onto his butt.

"I guess I forgot to tell you, huh?" Reed asked sheepishly as he shielded his eyes and looked up at Jeff who was towering ominously above him.

Reaching a hand out to help the kid up, Jeff fumed. "You endangered not only yourself but your partner," he said through gritted teeth. "You were not belayed properly...and maybe that's my fault for not instructing properly, but those ropes are not meant to hold when you fall like that."

As Reed was offering some lame excuse, Jeff vented his ire by slapping hard at the pine needles on the back of Reed's pants.

"You know what I ought to do to you?" he asked angrily as he continued roughly dusting off Reed's pants.

"Yes, you should beat me, Jeff. I know I was wrong not to tell you, man, but I wanted so badly to be on the team. You've got to understand how it is with me. I have this dream, and-"

Jeff effectively cut Reed off by delivering three hard wallops to the seat of his pants.

The effect of his actions was stunning to Jeff although Reed seemed to take it in stride. Jeff turned away, and stared up at the cliffs as if he hadn't just hit the kid at all.

"Jeff?" Reed asked softly after minute or so. "It's OK, I deserved that."

"You deserved more than that, but I'm not a violent person. I've never hit anyone in my life...before I met you."

"But, one time you said that you had been known to smack-"

"I lied," Jeff replied tersely.

"Oh...well I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Jeff."

Jeff suddenly whirled back around and grabbed the front of Reed's shirt in his hands. "Do you have any concept at all of what you've done?" he asked, feeling betrayed by Reed when he had given him another chance in spite of his instincts not to. "What's wrong with you?"

He saw the kid's face crumple at his words, and was taken off guard when tears started rolling down Reed's cheeks.

He let go of the kid's jacket and scratched at his beard, confused and uncomfortable at the show of emotion. "Stop crying," he said gruffly.

Reed rubbed his hands across his eyes, brushing the tears away. "Would you have accepted me into the class if you knew I had Epilepsy?" he croaked out.

"Of course not."

"That's why I didn't tell you," Reed said, barely above a whisper.

Jeff shook his head "No excuse. You endangered yourself and your climbing partner. Doesn't matter what your twisted logic was. You let me down too, after I gave you another chance. You're just a spoiled, irresponsible little boy as far as I can see, and I don't want to ever see your face around here again. Now take that harness off and get the hell out of here."

"Jeff, please just let me explain."

"I think you've explained just fine. Now go."

"Why don't you punish me?" Reed's voice was high and desperate sounding. "Or you can beat me up, even. I've always been terrified of pain, all my life, but I'll take it if it will mean your forgiveness."

Jeff just stared at Reed, as it slowly dawned on him that Reed had some kind of fixation--not just on summiting Everest, as he had been told all those months ago--but on Jeff himself.

When Reed fell on his knees in front of him and began to sob, Jeff tried to take the situation in hand. "OK, you listen to me, now. I Don't know what you think about me, if you have some kind of ideas that I'm superhuman because I've climbed Everest, or something like that, but I'm going to set you straight before you leave here. I am just a man. I am not a hero of any kind. I've actually walked past a dying climber, Reed. Would a hero do that?"

Jeff grimaced at the memory of that day long ago when he had been at 28,000 feet and had been descending when he had come upon a man in distress. What he had just told Reed was the truth and it haunted him even now, over ten years later.

Reed looked up at him, his face tear stained. "But you saved someone one time. Even though you couldn't summit because of it, you saved someone. Don't you remember that?"

"Didn't you hear what I just said? I left a man up there, because I thought I was too tired to help him."

"Yes, I heard you, but listen, man, if you left someone, then you were too tired to help him, because you threw away a summit attempt to rescue someone once."

Jeff ground his fist in his eye, not willing to accept the absolution that this strange young man was offering. "I want you to go now," he said finally, feeling extremely conflicted and emotionally exhausted. "You fucked up supremely and I'm not giving you another chance."

Reed gently rubbed at the back of his pants while he looked at Jeff. "I deserved for you to hit me, and I deserve to be cast out of the class, but you don't deserve to be so hard on yourself," he said gently. "You can't just cancel out the good thing you did just because you did something not so good too. You know?"

"What are you the fucking Buddha?" Jeff bellowed out in his pain. "Will you just get the fuck out of here?"

Reed removed his harness and then quietly walked away.

Jeff silently stood and watched Reed walking down the gently sloping hill that led away from the cliffs and toward the chartered bus they had arrived in, and he scratched at his beard thoughtfully. He felt almost disappointed as he watched Reed climb on board, knowing that after they returned to L.A. he would never see the kid again. He knew that it was ridiculous to feel that way, after all, Reed had deceived him and had caused no end of grief.

He felt disappointed nonetheless.

To be continued
*Lyrics from the song Drops Of Jupiter by Train

Dreamswept copyright ©2008 Tris